Wednesday, October 26, 2011

What Kind of Cool are You?

The coolest test around. Answer the questions below, add up your points, and find out what species of cool you are. This test has been administered to all up and coming athletes and entertainers to determine where they will fit best (team, city, sport) or what genre they should focus their works (the individual interests' of a musician or entertainer hasn't been taken into account since the successful creation of boy bands).

1. What super power would you most want to posses?

0 points - Supersonic speed... Avoid traffic, maybe save some lives if it's not out of the way.
1 point - Talk to animals... Get a better understanding of Life, The Universe, and Everything.
2 points - Ability to fly... The ultimate form of Freedom.
3 points - Invisibility... Instant millionaire- think about it, you could sneak into any meeting.
4 points - Telekinesis (mind bullets)... Who wouldn't want to move stuff with their mind?
5 points - Super strength... Wreck shit up.

2. What kind of predatory animal would you most like to be?

0 - Jaguar... Lounge around in the rainforest most of the day, maybe do some hunting at dusk.
1 - Blue-ringed Octopus... small, agile, incredibly poisonous.
2 - Great White Shark... unquestionably the most terrifying and powerful predator. You ever seen Jaws?
3 - Grey Wolf... Hunting in packs is the most rational form of predation.
4 - Bald Eagle... They hunt fish, land animals, other birds- There's nowhere to hide/ Champions of the Sun.
5 - Honey Badger... Ain't afraid of anything.

3. If you could choose any type of beer to drink for the evening without the consequence of cost or calories which would you choose?

0 - Wheat Beer (Odell Easy Street, Blue Moon, Shock Top, 312 Urban Wheat, Pyramid Hefe Weizen)
1 - Amber, Red, or Brown Ale (Alaskan Amber, Avery Ellie's Brown, Summit Horizon Red)
2 - Porter (Maui Brewing Co. Coconut Porter, Deschutes Black Butte Porter, Shipyard Imperial Porter)
3 - India Pale Ale or Pale Ale (Stone IPA, Titan IPA, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Doggie Style Classic Pale Ale)
4 - Stout (Rogue Chocolate Stout, Lefthand Milk Stout, Guinness, Murphy's Irish Stout)
5 - American Lager (Budweiser, PBR, Coors, Miller Genuine Draft)

4. Of the choices below what is the best Late Night Talk Show?

0 - Late Show with David Letterman... Consistently good.
1 - Jimmy Kimmel Live... The greatest skits in Late Night. Guillermo!
2 - Conan... Dance moves/ I might do something crazy.
3 - The Colbert Report... Bears and politics!
4 - The Tonight Show with Jay Leno... Americas favorite chin.
5 - Last Call with Carson Daly... He understands the youth.

5. What is your favorite kind of Ben & Jerry's ice cream?

0 - Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough... Why mess with a classic?
1 - Cherry Garcia... You could eat this after any meal or before... or it could be the meal.
2 - Chubby Hubby... Ya gotchya Sweet and ya gotchya Salty. It's Delicious!
3 - Dulce Delish... "Harmony is pure love, for love is complete agreement"- Lope de Vega
4 - Phish Food... The more the merrier.
5 - Dublin Mudslide... Mostly because it reminds me of one of my favorite alcoholic beverages!

6. What was your favorite Nickelodeon cartoon show that is no longer airing?

0 - Doug... Because once upon a time Patty Mayonnaise was a babe, and let us not forget the pure rock power of "The Beets".
1 - Hey Arnold... Made you want to be raised by your crazy grandparents in an apartment complex in NYC with a pet pig and become best friends with the coolest flat-topped fourth grader around. Plus, that Mr. Hyunh Christmas episode brought a tear to your eye.
2 - Aaahh!!! Real Monsters... Sweet, intelligent monsters who made a living scaring children...Before Monsters Inc. came around.
3 - Rugrats... Angelica was terrifying but Tommy and the gang always figured out how to out smart her un-angelic conduct.
4 - Rocket Power... Shoobies, Later...MUCH, mondo.
5 - All That - Because I never watched Cartoons.

7. If you could vacation anywhere for free for 10 days which location would you choose?

0 - Hawaiian resort... Sit back relax and maybe learn how to surf, maybe.
1 - Backpack around East and Southeast Asia... A lot of street food and a lot of culture.
2 - African Safari... Really cool animals really close.
3 - Backpack through Europe... History, culture, and food.
4 - Mexican Resort... Beaches, tequila, and food.
5 - Vegas... The adult playground, Nuff said!

8. Which one of these directors is your favorite?

0 - Rob Reiner (This Is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, A Few Good Men, The Bucket List)
1 - Steven Spielberg (Raiders of the Lost Arc, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, Munich)
2 - Coen Brothers (Raising Arizona, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, No Country for Old Men, True Grit)
3 - Paul Thomas Anderson (Hard Eight, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love, There Will Be Blood)
4 - Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol 1&2, Sin City, Inglorious Bastards)
5 - Michael Bay (Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Transformers)

9. What characteristic do you find most appealing in the opposite sex?

0 - They're Interested in Me... The opposite of shallow.
1 - Personality/Sense of Humor... "A Sense of needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person deep down has a pretty good grasp on life." - Hugh Sidey
2 - Outgoing Adventurous... " Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And venture belongs to the adventurous."- Navjot Singh Sidhu
3 - Breeding Potential... Natural selection has already brought us this far, why ignore it?
4 - Someone Who Won't Slow Me Down... "The weak are more likely to make the strong weak than the strong are likely to make the weak strong." - Marlene Dietrich
5 - Sex Appeal... Nobody ever brags about the ugly person they're banging.

10. What are you more likely to be for Halloween?

0 - An Athlete... Doesn't even have to be a professional athlete, just equipment found lying around the house.
1 - Inflatable or Puffy Jack-O-Lantern or Cute Animal of Some Sort... Adorable, not particularly sexy but worn well.
2 - A Beloved (Most likely Comedic) Character from Movies or Television... Not a cartoon character but something from an 80's action movie or SNL.
3 - Current Event... Maybe the President recently choked on a pretzel. Boom costume! Or maybe a movie star just got a DUI. Boom another costume!
4 - Stud or Slut... Gotta remind the people why I'm number one.
5 - Giant Condom or Sex Toy... Because it's hilarious and when people look at me they'll have one thing on their mind!

11. If you were to get a tattoo which of these options would most likely be your choice?

0 - Cross or Some Significant Symbol Over my Heart... Not everyone needs to see it, but it's significant to me.
1 - A Significant Symbol (animal/name) Tattooed on my Ribs or Shoulder Blade... If I'm getting a tattoo it is going to be unique and painful so I'll never forget it.
2 - Scripture or Inspirational Quote in Any Language Anywhere Visible on my Body... The calligraphy is aesthetic and it's a good ice breaker.
3 - My Alma Mater (symbol/logo) Somewhere I Can Easily Show Off and Hide... I'm proud of my School and my accomplishments.
4 - My Last Name Sketched Across my Back... Representing my heritage.
5 - Barbed Wire Around my Bicep... Cuz I'm a tough motha.

12. What is your ideal first date?

0 - Coffee or a Beer Somewhere you Can Talk... Maybe there will be a struggling musician to listen to, and if things don't go well it'll be easy to call it a night.
1 - Dinner and a Movie... Nothing fancy but gives you a good idea about your date.
2 - Ethnic Food and an Interactive Activity... Maybe Salsa Lessons or a Cooking Class.
3 - Art Exhibition or a Theatrical Performance... Drink some wine, put on some nice clothes, impress your date with some class.
4 - Dinner and the Bars... Show my date the respectable side of me with a nice dinner and the fun side at the bars.
5 - Drinks and Night Clubs... I want a date who can party, have a good time, and keep up with me.

13. What is your favorite holiday of the choices below?

0 - Super Bowl Sunday... The holiday (sort of) where you sit in front of the TV and pig out.
1 - Thanksgiving... Parade, Football, Turkey, Pie, Naps (not necessarily in that order)
2 - Valentines Day... I care about people with flowers and chocolates.
3 - New Years Eve... The time to reflect on the past and pursue a more learned or healthy future. Plus it's a good excuse to dress up.
4 - 4th of July... BBQ, Beer, Fireworks, 'Merica.
5 - St. Patrick's Day... Lets get wicked drunk!

14. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

0 - Probably somewhere she would like to not be bothered, and we should stop looking for her.
1 - I wonder what would happen if Carmen Sandiego and Where's Waldo got together?... it would be the end of our searching because we'd never find them. My guess, Carmen is looking for Waldo on some crowded beach or supermarket.
2 - Someone like Carmen Sandiego wants to be seen, she wants us to find her. She's probably hanging out with a pygmy African tribe sharing her spoils.
3 - Carmen is a common name of Hispanic descent, as well Sandiego is Spanish. Criminals on the lam often find comfort and help in areas most similar to their background. So, Carmen is likely in a Spanish speaking country somewhere in Central or South America.
4 - She was always a wild girl so probably somewhere epic like the Spanish club scene.
5 - I know exactly where she is... back at my place. What!

15. Who is your favorite supervillain of the choices below?

0 - Norman Osborn/Green Goblin (Spiderman)... Norman Osborn is fighting his insanity, the Green Goblin. "Both" of them want Spidey dead. Even when the Green Goblin dies Norman influences others against Spiderman. That's power.
1 - Magneto (X-Men)... His power is cool but not necessarily amazing compared to others, but he's not crazy. He believes in something, which makes him a real and passionate foe.
2 - The Joker (Batman)... He is a psychopath which literally means he lacks sympathy or remorse. There is nothing more terrifying than someone who can't sympathize.
3 - Lex Luthor (Superman)... He's just a human without any super powers who outsmarts and often gets the better of arguably the most powerful superhero.
4 - Cat Woman (Batman)... Is she a hero? Is she a villain? She is hot, she has nine lives, she'll scratch the shit out of you, and she'll play on any side to gain the advantage.
5 - Loki (Thor)... The Guy Is A God!!! Of Mischief!!! Can't get any more powerful than that.

0-12 Points "The Loyal Companion"
You are modest to a fault. Everybody likes you, but you have trouble believing so. You have many friends because there's nothing threatening about you. You are talented but you're likely to be walked on and never taken seriously. However, many of your friends will stand up in your defense, whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is debatable. The Loyal Companion is important to the community because it fulfills the niche of making everyone around him/her look good. For example, a normal, not particularly interesting kid with a puppy instantly becomes George Clooney. You are the puppy not Clooney. The good news is, there is always room for you to change and gain some confidence to become more sure-footed.
Teams that suit you: Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates, LA Clippers, Cleveland Browns, Everton.
Genres: Pop, College radio, Acoustic coffee shop singer-songwriter.
Notable Artists: Jason Mraz (minus "Song for a Friend"), Plain White T's, O.A.R., Landon Pigg, Jack Johnson.
Notable Athletes: Chad Pennington, Chad Henne, really any Dolphins quarterback since Marino, Gerald Wallace, Jeff Francoeur, Dustin Brown.

13-24 Points "The Sure-Footed"
You are confident but not arrogant. You are comfortable with who you are and you put forth the effort to make everyone around you comfortable. Every community is looking for someone to fill this niche, but the Sure-Footed is probably the rarest of all cool species. Your hard work and talent is intimidating to others, so you might encounter some unwanted conflicts but this soon passes as you will likely make the instigator a companion. You are outgoing and knowledgeable with a good sense of humor. Furthermore, you make others around you look good. It is tough to consistently stay Sure-Footed because you must always be uniquely nimble and agile. Old people aren't agile.
Teams that suit you: Tampa Bay Rays, Minnesota Wild, Tottenham Hotspur, Oklahoma City Thunder, Tennessee Titans.
Genre: Creative Unique Indie Rock and Indie Rap
Notable Artists: Arcade Fire, Angus & Julia Stone, Tegan and Sara, The National, Childish Gambino, Chiddy Bang, Theophilus London.
Notable Athletes: Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, Lionel Messi, Ndamukong Suh, Aaron Rodgers, Patrick Kane, Sidney Crosby, Troy Tulowitzki, Tim Lincecum.

25-37 Points "The Industrious"
Most people like you because you try hard to be likeable. You're outgoing and adventurous. You have worked hard to get where you are. Yet, you are insecure and try to hide it with confidence or sometimes arrogance. You are quite popular and talented, but what worries you most is that you might lose your status. So what you do is paint a picture of yourself for others to perceive you in your best light. By doing this you often cover up the traits that make you most relatable. You have a few really close friends (probably because they really know you) and a lot of social friends. There is always a niche for someone who is willing to work hard.
Teams that suit you: Philadelphia Eagles, Atlanta Braves, Liverpool, San Jose Sharks, Orlando Magic.
Genre: Start off in Rock, Rap, or Hip Hop and constantly alter their sound or collaborate to stay relevant.
Notable Artists: Alicia Keys, G. Love and Special Sauce, John Mayer, Snoop Dogg, Carlos Santana, Weezer.
Notable Athletes: Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony, Brad Richards, Wayne Rooney, Derek Jeter, Steve Smith.

38-50 Points "The Omniscient"
You think you know everything, and you are probably quite intelligent. But what you don't know or see is how much you may be getting on people's nerves. You are quick to dismiss those who do not share similar views. Although you can be a bit arrogant, you are quick to respect those you deem worthy. Furthermore, given time, you are willing to accept the qualities and positive characteristics of others you originally found valueless. You constantly try to progress but you won't change just to change, and others respect you for that. You are important to the ecosystem because people need someone to look up to or complain about.
Teams that suit you: Aresenal, San Antonio Spurs, Montreal Canadians, Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Jets, New England Patriots.
Genres: Rock, Hard Rock, Orchestra, Anything that expresses your musical talents.
Notable Artists: Radiohead, U2, Foo Fighters, Rage Against the Machine, Penguin Cafe Orchestra.
Notable Athletes: Tim Duncan, Tom Brady, Ashley Cole, Joey Votto, Martin Brodeur.

51-63 Points "The Butt Cavity"
It's true you are an asshole, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Every group of friends needs an asshole because you push the limits and are constantly competing. You make everyone around you work harder. In doing so, you make a lot of people around you look bad (which is not cool) but you also make people look good. Consequently, the asshole needs level headed, modest friends to balance out the ecosystem. Serious issues occur when multiple assholes occupy the same niche in a community because eventually "one-uping" and fights break out leading to the inevitable "tantrum of epic proportion". And Bro, tantrums are totally not cool. You also say "epic", which is also not cool.
Teams that suit you: Oakland Raiders, Dallas Cowboys, New York Yankees, Detroit Red Wings, Miami Heat, Manchester United.
Genres: Anything, as long as it's mainstream and you have the skill and attitude.
Notable Artists: Kanye West, Celine Dion, Jason Aldean (Dirt Road Anthem), Green Day, Metallica.
Notable Athletes: Philip Rivers, A Rod, Jonathan Papelbon, Christiano Ronaldo, Kobe Bryant, Todd Bertuzzi.

64-75 Points "The Mimic"
You have absolutely no clue! You don't know what you like, who you are, or how to behave. There is no secure niche for you in any environment. The only thing you know how to do is imitate what you perceive to be "cool". This "skill" may trick a few individuals into being your friend, but this will never last. Furthermore, you are likely to dump people you don't see as fit to be your friend. You do not understand that everyone inherently is cool in some way or another by being who they are. You constantly try to change and adjust to the media propaganda of cool, but never really discovered what makes you happy and relatable to others. So stop copying everything you see on TV and become a real boy (like Pinocchio) or girl.
Teams that suit you: None
Genres: Dub Step
Notables: Brian Bosworth, Skream!, 2BiT, Sean Avery? maybe?

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